“I started very early to take hashish, ecstasy, and then cocaine. I was also selling it and making a lot of money. I could pay for all the restaurants and evenings out. I was out partying all the time. I rarely slept more than 3 nights per week. I was running on coke, I’ve taken so much I don’t have any nasal septum anymore. And it also makes you a bit of a VIP, it makes you feel important. People were always waiting for me to arrive and welcoming me nicely. In my neighborhood in Marseille, people called me Mr. Mayor. It was all quite exhilarating, a life of pleasure and freedom.
It lasted 5 years like that. I already had custody of my children at that time. I wasn’t very present but I managed quite well. Then I started using injection and I totally went off the rails. Doing drugs is all I did, that’s all I could think about. And I was prone to paranoia and depression. I was chased several times by the police. Once they tried to break into my apartment. I was convinced they wanted to kill me. I threw everything I could and climbed onto the roof of the building through the window. These aren’t nice memories… But in France they consider you a victim of drugs so I got away with a few debts and a few months of probation.
Then I got tired of that life. Little by little I cut back on everything. Now even the injection scares me. Sometimes I think about the effect and it can attract me. But with all the traumas that go with it, I don’t want it anymore. You have to find a way to climb down from the drugs, from the party and find satisfaction in simple things. And it’s not easy. I am in Geneva for a few days because I met someone. She also has children and spending time with them, sharing breakfast, etc… I have to say I really enjoy it. It’s still a bit chaotic with my kids but I want to put certain things into place too and enjoy it. You could say that things are falling into place. I lost a lot of feathers but maybe I had to go through this… “.
(Pâquis | translated from French)