“I woke up every morning with a knot in my stomach. I was so scared that I was physically sick. I would either throw up straight away and stay locked up at home, or I would carry this feeling all the way through school. Often I would stop at the gate and not be able to move for a few minutes. And with that I would have panic attacks, feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Sometimes I would shake so much that I fell. The glass was full 24/7, one drop of stress and it would explode.
At school, some people were very focused on me. They liked to hurt me, push me against the lockers. Or cyberbullying me, sending me death threats, “go kill yourself” etc. As I don’t exactly have the silhouette of a model, I think that didn’t help… The school was totally blind. I tried to talk to a teacher about it but he said I was exaggerating. The hardest thing was the lack of confidence of my friends. They also said I was exaggerating, and I ended up believing them and normalising the bullying.
With my parents things were also complicated. For them, what is not perfect is not good enough. I was always in the top 5, but it was never enough. My psychiatrist wanted to take me out of school, she felt I couldn’t take it anymore. I was right on the edge of the abyss. So I did homeschooling from 16 to 18. For 2.5 years I hardly saw anyone. And during the day I just spent my time working. I didn’t even like it, it was just a way to get to the next day, to not to be swallowed up by the world. You have to keep moving forward, to keep showing to the world that you’re here!
I’m a determined person, so I rarely give up. And everything has improved since I started university. At first I was apprehensive about going back to see human beings. Then I made good friends, it was good to be with people I liked. And I am involved in two associations. I feel useful and proud. I still sometimes have the knot in my stomach and panic attacks, but less often. And it doesn’t stop me from doing plenty of things. I’m so busy that I don’t have time to think. It’s a good antidote (laughs)!”
(Plainpalais)
Getting support : a list of ressources created by the City of Geneva, for the youth of Geneva, to find support in a variety of domains.
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“I woke up every morning with a knot in my stomach. I was so scared that I was physically sick. I would either throw up straight away and stay locked up at home, or I would carry this feeling all the way through school. Often I would stop at the gate and not be able to move for a few minutes. And with that I would have panic attacks, feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Sometimes I would shake so much that I fell. The glass was full 24/7, one drop of stress and it would explode.
At school, some people were very focused on me. They liked to hurt me, push me against the lockers. Or cyberbullying me, sending me death threats, “go kill yourself” etc. As I don’t exactly have the silhouette of a model, I think that didn’t help… The school was totally blind. I tried to talk to a teacher about it but he said I was exaggerating. The hardest thing was the lack of confidence of my friends. They also said I was exaggerating, and I ended up believing them and normalising the bullying.
With my parents things were also complicated. For them, what is not perfect is not good enough. I was always in the top 5, but it was never enough. My psychiatrist wanted to take me out of school, she felt I couldn’t take it anymore. I was right on the edge of the abyss. So I did homeschooling from 16 to 18. For 2.5 years I hardly saw anyone. And during the day I just spent my time working. I didn’t even like it, it was just a way to get to the next day, to not to be swallowed up by the world. You have to keep moving forward, to keep showing to the world that you’re here!
I’m a determined person, so I rarely give up. And everything has improved since I started university. At first I was apprehensive about going back to see human beings. Then I made good friends, it was good to be with people I liked. And I am involved in two associations. I feel useful and proud. I still sometimes have the knot in my stomach and panic attacks, but less often. And it doesn’t stop me from doing plenty of things. I’m so busy that I don’t have time to think. It’s a good antidote (laughs)!”
(Plainpalais)
Getting support : a list of ressources created by the City of Geneva, for the youth of Geneva, to find support in a variety of domains.