“When you’re a drug user, you always need some. I was broke, and I went nuts. I decided to steal. It was working all good until the moment where I stole the handbag of a grandma, and she fell. She wasn’t hurt, but I told myself: “Fuck! I’ve gottent to this point! Either I stop, or I shoot myself!”
Right after that, a friend offered me to replace him in the alpine pastures. I thought: oh that’s very good (laughs)! The craving was really hard. There were nights where I’d hit my head against the wall because I felt so bad. The closest train station was 2 hours walk away, and if I went down I woulnd’t be able to do my job. I had 14 goats to milk, twice a day. Well, I was compensating with alcohol quite a bit. I was walking a lot, releasing. I could yell, no one could hear me. After 2 very hard weeks, it started getting better. After the 3 months, the craving wasn’t so strong, and I had discovered that if I wanted to take something, I had to walk a lot to tire myself out.
Then I tackled alcohol. It was even harder to stop. Religion was a great help for that. I became Muslim, this healthy lifestyle is good for me. At first I was very observant, to help me fight all the temptations. And for a long time I stopped seeing all my friends. I didn’t have any choice. If you don’t have the caracter and if you don’t want it, you can’t do anything. If you really want it, you do what needs to be done.
It’s been 5 years that I haven’t taken anything, except a beer sometimes. I know I can fall back into it and never get out. Even after one beer the brain says: “Come on! Just another one!” You have to fight everyday with your cravings. I always had the drive to to keep fighting. It’s “thanks to” what happened to in my childhood; what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I was always forced to push myself beyond my limits, and it always paid off. I feel much better, much happier. And when I’m angry, I have my great friend the bike (laughs)! In all this suffering, I try to keep the positive. I am satisfied with simple things, and I tell myself that every moment can be a good moment.”
(Cornavin | translated from French)