“Things happened when I was young… It’s still difficult to talk about it, even 25 years later. It’s the abuses I suffered when I was 6 years old… It happened several times, for about 1 year and a half. Until school started asking questions. Actually, I wasn’t going anymore, I was hiding. My parent said: “It’s because he has problems, we’re going to send him to an institution [foyer]”. I had told someone what had happened, but back at that time it was like: kids say lies, you want to be taken care of, it’s you who isn’t right in your head, etc.
My mother and father were as guilty as the person involved. Because both of them knew very well. A few years later, my mother told me: “Yes, I know. We used to receive money”. He was paying, and my parents were happy, especially my father who was very strongly alcoholic. That’s why they had me placed away from them, so that I couldn’t speak about it. When you see your own parents capable of doing this for money, it’s scary.
And then the truth came out the day that person died. But what do you do with all that afterwards? I try to manage it by ignoring it, by not thinking about it. But it stays with you. When I see people in the streets who behave strangely with kinds, I’ll start watching. There’s often nothing at all, but there’s always this fear. Fortunately, things wouldn’t happen like this today. Nowadays, we talk about it, and we take it seriously right away.
After high school, I started drugs. At first just to party, but then it was all the time. I think that was related to my childhood and my chaotic adolescence in an institution [foyer]. Ecstasy and LSD on the weekend, coke and crack during the week. It was brutal. The ton of ecstasy that I took… I’d eat them like Smarties! I found myself high for 1 week more than once, without being able to come down. That’s when I got really scared. But it didn’t stop me from doing it again, and again. Until the day I opened my eyes…”
(Cornavin | translated from French)