“The beginning of my life is quite classic. I arrived in Spain at the age of 18 from Ecuador, during the economic crisis of 1999. As I had no legal papers, the first years were difficult. There was a constant pressure from the police to be deported. I was arrested once, and spent a night in jail. That was the first and last time. I said to myself: never again! And since then I have always stayed away from the police. Economically it was also difficult. Once, I spent 10 days sleeping in a park in Madrid. And soon I met a girl who told me about prostitution. A classic story… And as I liked sex, I wanted to try. Now this job for me is easy, because it has been years. But at the beginning it was hard.
I didn’t know how to put a condom on, or how to do oral sex. I had some personal experience, but it’s not the same to do it with a stranger who doesn’t attract you. And when you work, it’s like a play at the theatre. You put on a mask, you smile and you have to forget your problems. It was difficult to learn all of this. I was very sad at first. But I had to do it to eat and to help my family back home. I’d send them all the money I had left. After a while I tried to find a normal job. I took care of elderly people. But it was even more traumatic than sex work. To see people who have no patience with their own parents… It hurt my heart. As soon as I could, I stopped that job and only did sex work.
After 2 years, I got my papers and I was free from my economic responsibilities towards my family. A new life started for me. I said to myself: now I’m going to enjoy, work for myself, for my whims, my desire for luxury and for my travels. Before it was: work, work, work. And now it’s: work, fun, sex and holidays! And I travel a lot for this work. There are customers all over the world for that, my darling! Who doesn’t like sex? So for us escorts, our bodies are our own business! With all my experience, I can tell you that every country, every city has its own preferences and habits in sex. If for example I travel to Spain, I know in which cities the men are really hot!
Switzerland is the best country to do this job. It’s legal and there’s good security. In France, on the other hand, it’s forbidden so you have to take risks and it’s very dangerous. In fact, I could do an analysis of the sex market in the world (laughs)! But all of that is hard work. You have to prepare yourself, know the language and the desires of each country. And transform yourself into the client’s fantasy. If he wants me to be a nun, then I become a nun. If he wants me to be a grandmother, I become a grandmother. What he wants, I become. A lie for a lie. And of course I can enjoy myself too. When I was young, I couldn’t choose my clients. But now I have the luxury of being able to choose: you yes, you no! I like hard and long sex, and if not, bye bye (laughs)!
But being an escort is also being a psychologist. People tell you all their problems. Sometimes I sit in an armchair and take notes (laughs)! With a client you never know what to expect. He may seem cute, but then he takes drugs and suddenly he changes. At the beginning, I always had a fear with new clients. Now it has become almost like a sport. I ask myself: so what is this one going to do? As if I was eager to read the rest of the story. I’ve become addicted to it! But I’m not heartless, I also like to give advice. For example, I went through alcohol and drugs. I even almost died of an overdose with a client. I’m out of it now, so I advise them to be careful with it.
Even though I enjoy it, this job is first of all a way for me to earn money. I don’t live to work, I work first to live. Like in a normal job, I have hours, I take my holidays, I go to restaurants. Just like everyone else! And there’s a big separation between my personal life and my work. At night I am Diabla! Wherever I go, I attract men’s attention, with my clothes, my perfume, my exuberant body. I am like a magnet. All my clients want to be my fiancé (laughs)! And I like that! But when I am not working, I am shy! As you see me today, I’m a normal girl, without make-up, who goes to the gym and listens to classical music. These are two different lives, two parallel lives.
I started prostitution at a very young age, and leave a mark on you. After a while I lost the sense of what is true and what is a lie, especially with men. I don’t have relationships outside of work. With everything I’ve seen, I can’t trust them anymore. Once I was with a client and his fiancée tried to contact him. He wrote to her: “I’m coming, I’m parking the car”. And all this while he was fucking me! I’ve seen so many things like that… So I can’t trust them anymore. I am a one-night stand for them. They tell me I love you, I tell them I love you, they pay me, and ciao, next one! The more money there is, the more love there is. And when the money stops, the love stops too (laughs)! That’s the reality!
Since I was a little girl, I always had a clear idea of the person I wanted to become. And if that little girl saw me now, she would be proud because I became exactly that person! I don’t care about what society thinks. What matters to me is what I think. Society doesn’t give me food, it doesn’t pay my bills. If I don’t work, I don’t eat. It’s simple. I think of myself and that’s all. First me, second me, third me. Look, in life you are born alone, and you die alone. My secret to happiness is to love myself first, to accept myself as I am. You have to be happy yourself before you can make others happy. If you start depending on other people, you will never be yourself.
Besides escorting, I work for the association Aspasie. I help migrant women like me to integrate, and I give courses on sex work. This is one of the things that matters most to me. It feeds me, it makes me grow. And recently I was finally able to fulfil a childhood dream. Since I was 8 years old, I dreamed that one day I would write a book about my life. And I have finally published it! It’s called “Ponte en mis tacones” [Put yourself in my heels]. It’s my way of leaving a trace in the future. My next challenge is to become a porn star. I’m about to make my first videos. I’m very curious to see all these men who seem to last so long in the movies (laughs)! And I know that I will succeed in this challenge. Because in my life, everything I want, I end up getting.”
Published as part of the mini-series “90’000 things in my head“, produced in partnership with Aspasie. | Translated from Spanish
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“The beginning of my life is quite classic. I arrived in Spain at the age of 18 from Ecuador, during the economic crisis of 1999. As I had no legal papers, the first years were difficult. There was a constant pressure from the police to be deported. I was arrested once, and spent a night in jail. That was the first and last time. I said to myself: never again! And since then I have always stayed away from the police. Economically it was also difficult. Once, I spent 10 days sleeping in a park in Madrid. And soon I met a girl who told me about prostitution. A classic story… And as I liked sex, I wanted to try. Now this job for me is easy, because it has been years. But at the beginning it was hard.
I didn’t know how to put a condom on, or how to do oral sex. I had some personal experience, but it’s not the same to do it with a stranger who doesn’t attract you. And when you work, it’s like a play at the theatre. You put on a mask, you smile and you have to forget your problems. It was difficult to learn all of this. I was very sad at first. But I had to do it to eat and to help my family back home. I’d send them all the money I had left. After a while I tried to find a normal job. I took care of elderly people. But it was even more traumatic than sex work. To see people who have no patience with their own parents… It hurt my heart. As soon as I could, I stopped that job and only did sex work.
After 2 years, I got my papers and I was free from my economic responsibilities towards my family. A new life started for me. I said to myself: now I’m going to enjoy, work for myself, for my whims, my desire for luxury and for my travels. Before it was: work, work, work. And now it’s: work, fun, sex and holidays! And I travel a lot for this work. There are customers all over the world for that, my darling! Who doesn’t like sex? So for us escorts, our bodies are our own business! With all my experience, I can tell you that every country, every city has its own preferences and habits in sex. If for example I travel to Spain, I know in which cities the men are really hot!
Switzerland is the best country to do this job. It’s legal and there’s good security. In France, on the other hand, it’s forbidden so you have to take risks and it’s very dangerous. In fact, I could do an analysis of the sex market in the world (laughs)! But all of that is hard work. You have to prepare yourself, know the language and the desires of each country. And transform yourself into the client’s fantasy. If he wants me to be a nun, then I become a nun. If he wants me to be a grandmother, I become a grandmother. What he wants, I become. A lie for a lie. And of course I can enjoy myself too. When I was young, I couldn’t choose my clients. But now I have the luxury of being able to choose: you yes, you no! I like hard and long sex, and if not, bye bye (laughs)!
But being an escort is also being a psychologist. People tell you all their problems. Sometimes I sit in an armchair and take notes (laughs)! With a client you never know what to expect. He may seem cute, but then he takes drugs and suddenly he changes. At the beginning, I always had a fear with new clients. Now it has become almost like a sport. I ask myself: so what is this one going to do? As if I was eager to read the rest of the story. I’ve become addicted to it! But I’m not heartless, I also like to give advice. For example, I went through alcohol and drugs. I even almost died of an overdose with a client. I’m out of it now, so I advise them to be careful with it.
Even though I enjoy it, this job is first of all a way for me to earn money. I don’t live to work, I work first to live. Like in a normal job, I have hours, I take my holidays, I go to restaurants. Just like everyone else! And there’s a big separation between my personal life and my work. At night I am Diabla! Wherever I go, I attract men’s attention, with my clothes, my perfume, my exuberant body. I am like a magnet. All my clients want to be my fiancé (laughs)! And I like that! But when I am not working, I am shy! As you see me today, I’m a normal girl, without make-up, who goes to the gym and listens to classical music. These are two different lives, two parallel lives.
I started prostitution at a very young age, and leave a mark on you. After a while I lost the sense of what is true and what is a lie, especially with men. I don’t have relationships outside of work. With everything I’ve seen, I can’t trust them anymore. Once I was with a client and his fiancée tried to contact him. He wrote to her: “I’m coming, I’m parking the car”. And all this while he was fucking me! I’ve seen so many things like that… So I can’t trust them anymore. I am a one-night stand for them. They tell me I love you, I tell them I love you, they pay me, and ciao, next one! The more money there is, the more love there is. And when the money stops, the love stops too (laughs)! That’s the reality!
Since I was a little girl, I always had a clear idea of the person I wanted to become. And if that little girl saw me now, she would be proud because I became exactly that person! I don’t care about what society thinks. What matters to me is what I think. Society doesn’t give me food, it doesn’t pay my bills. If I don’t work, I don’t eat. It’s simple. I think of myself and that’s all. First me, second me, third me. Look, in life you are born alone, and you die alone. My secret to happiness is to love myself first, to accept myself as I am. You have to be happy yourself before you can make others happy. If you start depending on other people, you will never be yourself.
Besides escorting, I work for the association Aspasie. I help migrant women like me to integrate, and I give courses on sex work. This is one of the things that matters most to me. It feeds me, it makes me grow. And recently I was finally able to fulfil a childhood dream. Since I was 8 years old, I dreamed that one day I would write a book about my life. And I have finally published it! It’s called “Ponte en mis tacones” [Put yourself in my heels]. It’s my way of leaving a trace in the future. My next challenge is to become a porn star. I’m about to make my first videos. I’m very curious to see all these men who seem to last so long in the movies (laughs)! And I know that I will succeed in this challenge. Because in my life, everything I want, I end up getting.”
Published as part of the mini-series “90’000 things in my head“, produced in partnership with Aspasie. | Translated from Spanish