“During the Second World War, my parents fled Japan and came to live in a very remote village in the Brazilian countryside. We lived in a simple wooden house and my parents had a chicken farm and fruit and vegetable plantations. We were poor, conditions were difficult, but we always had enough to eat. The family environment was very strict. My father didn’t talk much. If he was angry his face would suddenly close, and when he hit, he hit hard. You know, in the sixties it was like that. And this family setting, it wasn’t easy for me. As a child, I was already a bit special. I was born a boy, but I spent all my time with my sisters doing girl things.
I noticed quite early that I was different. And I think my parents guessed it too, by the way I spoke, by my femininity. But they didn’t say anything, it was a culture of silence. My brothers were always making remarks to me: “Mom, if you had given him a good education, he wouldn’t be like that!” At school too, I was often insulted. I understand all these reactions now. The mentality at the time was very closed: men remained men, and women remained women. There was no middle ground. And we lived under a military dictatorship. Transsexuals and homosexuals were put in prison. For a while I tried to erase my femininity, to behave like a boy. But I couldn’t do it. So I said to myself: forget it, I’ll stay like this!
I wanted to be free and I felt like a prisoner at home. I wanted to go out, to go a bit crazy (laughs)! So when I was 18, I left home for Rio and worked as a hairdresser. Leaving home was the best thing I ever did in my life! In Rio I started to free myself from things, to go to clubs, to transvestite houses. That’s where I started to dress as a woman, put on a wig and make-up. I was very beautiful at the time! And it was Copa Cabana in the 80s, the beginning of the night shows. It was very famous for that! I felt good in that world, I had found the freedom I was looking for. A few years passed, and one day fate made me meet a person who changed my life.
She was a client of the hair salon. She was working in cabarets in Switzerland, doing both shows and prostitution. The clients paid for bottles of champagne after the show and then they went upstairs with her. She made a lot of money this way. She told me that some clients pay 2-3000 francs for one hour of time. One client had even bought her a flat in Rio! I showed her some pictures of me as a woman, and she told me that transsexuals were successful in Switzerland. I thought: ok I’ll try it for a year, maybe it will work for me too! And she gave me an artist’s contract so that I could come. It was an 8-month visa, and after that I had to return for 4 months.
My first client was in Martigny, in the Sphinx cabaret. I was a bit shy at first, but I immediately asked for 300 francs, and he accepted straight away. When he gave me 300 francs like that, just for 10 minutes of blowjob… I said to myself: it’s easy after all! And that’s when I got a taste for the money. At that time there was no internet, no girls in the street. And the clients who came had money. Right from the first year I made a lot of money, a lot of money! I was in my twenties and I didn’t know the value of money. I spent a lot thinking that I would always earn a lot. I used to go to Louis Vuitton shops and buy 6,000 franc bags! I even travelled a few times in first class. It was the good life! And I continued at that pace for seven years.
Then I moved to Switzerland permanently. At that point, the cabarets were over and I started working in the street. One day, a friend invited me to the Casino. I played the slot machine and quickly liked it. And little by little I fell into addiction. It became like a drug. I played 3-4 times a week. And I kept doing that for years. I ended up accumulating more than 15,000 francs in debt. It was too much! So I asked to be banned from the casino. I had to go to court, and I was forced to sell two flats I had in Brazil. I was ashamed, really. But now it’s in the past! I don’t regret anything. I still had fun losing all that money (laughs)!
Then I worked as a hairdresser. I wanted to try a change. But I was paid 120 francs a day and I worked almost all day. So I preferred to go back to sex work. For me it’s easier. I like the sexual pleasure with men, the money and the independence that comes with it. And if one day I don’t feel like working, I keep my door closed. That’s freedom, you see. Now I earn less money. At the time I was young, I was beautiful, and there were good customers. But now there is a crisis in sex work. There are a lot of salons, a lot of transsexuals, a lot of women who do the pass for less money. And all that makes the prices go down. Now, when a client gives me 150 francs, he grins! So now I only buy bags at H&M (laughs)!
There is a lot of hypocrisy in this society. Most of my clients have a lot of bisexual fantasies. They are businessmen, men who work in the bank. And often they are married and they have a family. But they need to live their fantasies. Some of them also come to dress as women. I put the wig on them, the make-up, the heels. And it makes them feel good. That’s the reality, you see. And I understand them and I feel good to help them live this experience. People are the way they are. Sometimes I ask God: why am I like this? There are times when even I don’t understand myself. But I think God understands me anyway. I feel good the way I am and I don’t care what society thinks. I am the way I am.”
Published as part of the mini-series “90’000 things in my head“, produced in partnership with Aspasie.
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“During the Second World War, my parents fled Japan and came to live in a very remote village in the Brazilian countryside. We lived in a simple wooden house and my parents had a chicken farm and fruit and vegetable plantations. We were poor, conditions were difficult, but we always had enough to eat. The family environment was very strict. My father didn’t talk much. If he was angry his face would suddenly close, and when he hit, he hit hard. You know, in the sixties it was like that. And this family setting, it wasn’t easy for me. As a child, I was already a bit special. I was born a boy, but I spent all my time with my sisters doing girl things.
I noticed quite early that I was different. And I think my parents guessed it too, by the way I spoke, by my femininity. But they didn’t say anything, it was a culture of silence. My brothers were always making remarks to me: “Mom, if you had given him a good education, he wouldn’t be like that!” At school too, I was often insulted. I understand all these reactions now. The mentality at the time was very closed: men remained men, and women remained women. There was no middle ground. And we lived under a military dictatorship. Transsexuals and homosexuals were put in prison. For a while I tried to erase my femininity, to behave like a boy. But I couldn’t do it. So I said to myself: forget it, I’ll stay like this!
I wanted to be free and I felt like a prisoner at home. I wanted to go out, to go a bit crazy (laughs)! So when I was 18, I left home for Rio and worked as a hairdresser. Leaving home was the best thing I ever did in my life! In Rio I started to free myself from things, to go to clubs, to transvestite houses. That’s where I started to dress as a woman, put on a wig and make-up. I was very beautiful at the time! And it was Copa Cabana in the 80s, the beginning of the night shows. It was very famous for that! I felt good in that world, I had found the freedom I was looking for. A few years passed, and one day fate made me meet a person who changed my life.
She was a client of the hair salon. She was working in cabarets in Switzerland, doing both shows and prostitution. The clients paid for bottles of champagne after the show and then they went upstairs with her. She made a lot of money this way. She told me that some clients pay 2-3000 francs for one hour of time. One client had even bought her a flat in Rio! I showed her some pictures of me as a woman, and she told me that transsexuals were successful in Switzerland. I thought: ok I’ll try it for a year, maybe it will work for me too! And she gave me an artist’s contract so that I could come. It was an 8-month visa, and after that I had to return for 4 months.
My first client was in Martigny, in the Sphinx cabaret. I was a bit shy at first, but I immediately asked for 300 francs, and he accepted straight away. When he gave me 300 francs like that, just for 10 minutes of blowjob… I said to myself: it’s easy after all! And that’s when I got a taste for the money. At that time there was no internet, no girls in the street. And the clients who came had money. Right from the first year I made a lot of money, a lot of money! I was in my twenties and I didn’t know the value of money. I spent a lot thinking that I would always earn a lot. I used to go to Louis Vuitton shops and buy 6,000 franc bags! I even travelled a few times in first class. It was the good life! And I continued at that pace for seven years.
Then I moved to Switzerland permanently. At that point, the cabarets were over and I started working in the street. One day, a friend invited me to the Casino. I played the slot machine and quickly liked it. And little by little I fell into addiction. It became like a drug. I played 3-4 times a week. And I kept doing that for years. I ended up accumulating more than 15,000 francs in debt. It was too much! So I asked to be banned from the casino. I had to go to court, and I was forced to sell two flats I had in Brazil. I was ashamed, really. But now it’s in the past! I don’t regret anything. I still had fun losing all that money (laughs)!
Then I worked as a hairdresser. I wanted to try a change. But I was paid 120 francs a day and I worked almost all day. So I preferred to go back to sex work. For me it’s easier. I like the sexual pleasure with men, the money and the independence that comes with it. And if one day I don’t feel like working, I keep my door closed. That’s freedom, you see. Now I earn less money. At the time I was young, I was beautiful, and there were good customers. But now there is a crisis in sex work. There are a lot of salons, a lot of transsexuals, a lot of women who do the pass for less money. And all that makes the prices go down. Now, when a client gives me 150 francs, he grins! So now I only buy bags at H&M (laughs)!
There is a lot of hypocrisy in this society. Most of my clients have a lot of bisexual fantasies. They are businessmen, men who work in the bank. And often they are married and they have a family. But they need to live their fantasies. Some of them also come to dress as women. I put the wig on them, the make-up, the heels. And it makes them feel good. That’s the reality, you see. And I understand them and I feel good to help them live this experience. People are the way they are. Sometimes I ask God: why am I like this? There are times when even I don’t understand myself. But I think God understands me anyway. I feel good the way I am and I don’t care what society thinks. I am the way I am.”
Published as part of the mini-series “90’000 things in my head“, produced in partnership with Aspasie.