“He was convicted years later because they say pedophiles usually do it since they’re teenagers. So, the fact that this man was in his thirties, and that I was his first, it was a bit like “it’s not that we don’t want to believe a kid but…”. I was super wary. At the time of the trial I was behind a glass window. It was all blabla to me, I wasn’t understanding anything! I was thinking: but why isn’t he simply in jail, come on, let’s go!
Actually, what really freaked me out is when they asked me if this was the right person. They made him turn around, and even though he could only see his own reflection, he knew very well that I was behind. He glared at me with anger… Fuck, if this guy doesn’t go to jail, he’s going to want to kill me and all. I was freaked out.
He went to prison… 3 years… I see a lot of cases where people who don’t do really bad things and they get 5 years. And I tell myself he partly stole my innocence. I didn’t even know what making love was or stuff like that, and it was just all thrown at my face like that. That’s what really caused the hatred I have against the world, the law and all. Because for me it’s unfair, but according to the law it is fair.
He got out of prison fast. I came across him when I was 16. I was in my rebel phase and I wanted to beat the shit out of anyone who pissed me off. I saw him and had hatred inside of me. Strangely enough, he saw me, he looked at me, and he ran off. So, I was kind of “the law, or the prison did do its job in the end!”. I still come across him from time to time, and I really look at him like “I’m going to beat the shit out of you one day!”. But now he left Switzerland, that’s a good thing.
I want to say we all have different experiences. Like my grandmother would say “each of us has his own cross to carry.” Maybe if that hadn’t happened to me I wouldn’t be the person I am now. Who knows, maybe I would be a super narcissistic show-off girl who has no respect for people.”
(Saint-Jean | translated from French)