“When I was little I didn’t speak at all. Not at all. I would only say daddy, mummy, and I just pointed at the things I wanted. It’s called selective mutism. It was when I was slowly starting to open up to people that what happened, happened. I completely withdrew, and I spoke again at the age of 10. Actually I was kind of like… in South Park there’s the little guy who never speaks, I don’t remember his name… the one with the hoodie! He doesn’t speak but he does all the same shit as they do. I was like that actually. I didn’t speak, but I would partake in all the stupid things with them!
I would laugh and all, and as soon as someone would feel sad, I would comfort her. But I was really communicating through gestures only. If someone wasn’t feeling good, I would go to her and pat her back. Otherwise, talking wasn’t my thing. I didn’t enjoy making sentences, I thought it was useless. Sometimes I would say stuff, of course, but it was only because I had to. It was more like “yes”, “no” and “I don’t know”. If I could avoid speaking, I would.
Let’s say I have extremely extraverted friends, and I really felt like myself around them. I was seeing them like this, and I thought: “it actually looks awesome to be like that!”. So, I slowly started saying things. Whenever I liked something I would say it, whenever I didn’t like something I would say it. But it’s a work that I did little by little. I didn’t change all of a sudden saying “yeah, okay tomorrow I’ll be like that!” It started with hellos, stuff like that. It came like this, little by little.”
(Saint-Jean | translated from French)