“My daughter came into this world to put some order in my life. She arrived at a time when things weren’t going well at all. I was 24 and the father was 22. There wasn’t much passion between us anymore, and he met someone else while I was already pregnant. It felt like the end of the world. I’m a kind of person who has a lot of habits, and as soon as a habit is disturbed, I used to shut down and get angry quickly. I’m actually scared of the unknown.
And it wasn’t my dream to become a mother, but it happened, and… It was the unknown! Being alone on daily basis, managing the daycares, the school… I had to really push myself because I was very subdued. Now, I had to do things for someone else. I put a lot of frameworks in place to try to anticipate the unexpected. And I was working full time. I didn’t ask myself any question for a long time. I was like a machine.
Now that my daughter is older and autonomous, I’m starting to feel proud. We have a deep complicity. I can’t explain it. We think about the same things at the same time. And she supports me as much as I support her. I try to brake the small routines a bit. I’ve learned to be less affected, to put things into perspective. I’ve only recently understood who I was, how I function. I used to think too much, now I just listen and feel. It’s changed many things in my life. I used to have conflictual relationships at work. Now things are peaceful. I’m able to listen, and to communicate what I want to say.
Two weeks ago, I talked with the father about the separation for the first time! At first, I did it because I felt my daughter had something to settle. But I told myself: you also have something to settle. It was very strong emotionally. I needed to hear an apology, and I got one for the first time. He suddenly realized how hard it had been for me. I think I found the right current, everything is moving in the right direction. I never had this feeling before. I feel at peace, serene, and I’m less scared of the unknown.”
(Carouge | translated from French)