“When I was 20, I used to be obsessed about sex. It was the only thing I was thinking about. I had my first client in a street in Pâquis. I thought it was funny, because after I had done the blowjob, I felt like I had a kid in front of me who just did something he wasn’t supposed to do. And it made me want to continue. It was natural for me, I was prostituting myself by pleasure. I used to work in front of the Post office, rue du Mont-Blanc. That’s where we got the clients in the 80s. I had some pretty important people, like directors of banks and shops. They had a double-life, because at that time you had to be married to get to the highest jobs.
We were having a lot of fun, Geneva was much more festive! Then HIV came. There were less clients in the street so I passed a diploma to become a masseur. I published an ad in the newspapers, and that’s how I got my clients afterwards. When I worked the streets I could choose the clients that I liked. But now they were knocking at my door, I couldn’t choose anymore. So I did people I would never have done. I got a bit disgusted.
I kept doing it for 20 years though. Then one day, I had a big depression because I was fed up to do sex, and I had enough trying to change people. I even went through paranoïa, and I was hospitalized a long time. Sex is one part of it, but there’s also this outpouring. We’re like psychologists. I was trying to find solutions for them, but I understood they’ll never change their life.
Meditation is what saved me. I started when I was 25, and I always continued. Thoughts slow down, little by little. And about 1 yer ago, boom : I found myself in my stomach. I’m not stuck in my head anymore. And when you have well-being, you become fed up of the penis in the end! Now I can spent hours at the same place just watching people. They run around so much! I wonder where they’re all going! Now I don’t know if I just have to enjoy life, ou if I have something to do. Is it because I prostituted myself that I’m allowed to have some well-being ?”
(Carouge | translated from French)